How to introduce S&M into your sex life
S&M overnight became a hit after we all watched Fifty Shades of Grey and met the lovely Christian Grey. Today I am going to help educate you on what S&M is as most people have limited knowledge and it goes beyond what happened in Christians red room of pain!
What does S&M mean?
S&M means sadism and masochism. In normal terms it means taking pleasure in inflicting pain and taking pleasure from experiencing pain. S&M is part of a wider term BDMS. BDMS is bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism.
S&M role playing is when one partner assumes the role of the dominant and the other takes the role of the submissive and to be super clear, S&M is NOT about physically hurting your partner. Some may view S&M as dirty and disrespectful but its really all about a form of play. The fun comes from improvising together and sharing in the power and of course with full consent!
With S&M or BDSM there is no one size fits all. Some may like just to be cuffed or some may like being whipped. Its all about experimenting and what you feel comfortable with. You can get kinky with out leaving a mark, feeling a sting, or ending up in the emergency ward.
Why should you try S&M?
If your love life or sex life is feeling a little stale or lukewarm, being open to some kinkier choices may be just what you and your partner need. The sex experts do say when we can introduce a bit of the unexpected within a safe environment, we can rekindle some lost passion.
Consensual S&M or ant type of role play can be very healthy. A healthy sex life means you are willing to try new things and experiment together.
There are also physical and emotional benefits too!
S&M can increase arousal which leads to more orgasms. It can motivate us to have more sex and more active sex – this can be just as good as exercise. It can increase our heart rate, energy levels throughout the day and it can improve the quality of communication, trust, and intimacy with our partner. In addition, it can make us feel great about ourselves and greatly increase personal self-esteem.
How to get started and rules to put in place
S&M is not all about whips and getting flogged. There are plenty of different ways to experience S&M, especially for newcomers to this experience. I will take you back to Fifty Shades when Mr Grey had a great session with Anastasia by licking ice cream off her and simply just blindfolding her and YES we all loved watching this!
I would start by taking away or removing one of the senses. When you remove one of the senses, the others are heightened to make up for the lost one. This can be as easy as blindfolding your partner and then using touch to tease or tickle – you could also add in a feather to do this. As anticipation builds the blindfolded person does not know what part of the body you will target next.
As you get more comfortable you can start to add in handcuffs, paddles, whips, ropes – the list goes on!
There are a couple of rules I would suggest.
First one is consent. You and your partner must both be on board for the experience of S&M to be successful. Anything can be fun and pleasurable if both parties are on the same page and are in agreeance.
Secondly, always have a safe word. Every couple should have a safe word in case something happens that makes one party feel uncomfortable. The safe word tells your partner to stop. If something hurts or feels unsafe, you can use your safe word and the plays ends there.
I do strongly suggest you do explore as many people find pleasure in things; they didn’t know they would be into. Start with activities that you both very much agree will be fun – no matter how tame or small and go from there and most importantly relax and enjoy the experience.
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