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What is Tantric Massage and How to try at home

Posted by Miss H on

Many people fall into the trap of following the same sexual scripts. Sex looks the same every time, usually involving some kissing, maybe some oral, and then a person with a penis thrusting aggressively into a person with a vagina until the former orgasms.

Learning to move away from these scripts can unlock whole new realms of pleasure, new types of sensations, and more uniquely connective experiences.

One way to throw all the rules out the door is to explore tantric sex and, specifically, tantric massage. Here's what happens during a tantra massage and how to give one to your partner.

So, what is a tantric massage?

Tantric massage involves massaging and stimulating the full body with particular focus on sensitive areas like the penis and vulva. It's sometimes referred to as simply an erotic massage, although a tantra massage also incorporates breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness elements and is not necessarily sexual.

Tantric massage also has a spiritual and energetic component, where the giver helps move the receiver's energy throughout the body to promote inner healing.

Some forms of tantric massage include the yoni massage (focused on the vulva), the lingam massage (focused on the penis), and massaging the sacred spot (aka the prostate).

Tantric massage can easily be practiced at home with your partner and can be a great way to introduce a slower, more intentional, and more intimate form of sexuality for your relationship.

There are so many benefits from tantric massage!

Apart from finding a new and deeper intimacy with your partner there are many other health benefits.

Tantric massage can –

  • Improving your sexual stamina
  • Improving the quality of your orgasms
  • Helping to ease pain
  • Providing stress relief
  • Improving sleep
  • A good step towards healing emotional blockages
  • Assisting in spiritual awakening

So how do we go about giving a tantric massage at home for the first time? I have a few tips for you!

Before the massage begins, spend a little time ensuring the massage environment is conducive to relaxation. Put on fresh bedding if you are giving the massage on your bed, turn down the lights, light candles, play beautiful music, sprinkle pure essential oils on the bed or have some in a diffuser to fill the space with beautiful scent

The next tip is oil. When it comes to tantric massage, oil is something of a requirement.

A beautiful oil is essential for making this experience incredibly sensual. I would go so far as to instruct you not to attempt a tantric massage without oil. I personally prefer coconut oil, but others swear by olive oil. Any one hundred per cent natural oil extracted from plants is good.

Next is time. As with all aspects of tantra, tantric massage cannot be rushed. Make sure you have the time to fully indulge in your partner’s pleasure. Time to turn of all external disruptions and to fully experience the tantric massage and its benefits

Once the mood is set, now it’s time to learn the art of tantric massage itself. Here’s our step-by-step guide…

The person receiving the massage lies face down on the bed and the giver spends between 20 minutes and half an hour massaging the back of their body, using plenty of oil! Massaging the back of someone’s body is your practice area! Take the time to grow your confidence, sensitivity and, above all, your capacity to give. Become conscious of the body beneath your palms and fingertips, observe how it reacts to different types of touch and different pressures.

Different people like their touch in different ways and what they enjoy will change as their sexual energy changes. It’s your job as the giver to read the signs from the receiving body and become the expert on them.

The second stage of the massage is moving to the front of the body. By this time, the receiver should be deeply relaxed, so ask them to roll over and spend time massaging every inch of the front of their body. For now, do no more than gently tease the penis or vulva and vagina by brushing over them as you attend to the rest of the body.

Massage the legs, feet, between the toes, hands, each finger, and arms, and pay particular homage to the breasts and belly. These are soft, vulnerable areas in all of us, and it’s incredibly healing to have them massaged gently and with love. This stage should continue for around 20 minutes before you head into Lingam or Yoni massage.

If you are massaging a lingam, keep a special eye on the speed of their arousal. If it’s getting too hot too soon, slow things right down. Don’t fear loss of an erection – it doesn’t matter, you can easily grow it again.

Don’t fear them ejaculating “too soon” – they can continue to experience pleasure and energy post-ejaculation, so continue the massage, and if the lingam is too sensitive, move the massage back to the rest of the body. Don’t fear the receiver not ejaculating, allow them (and you) to experience sexual energy in new ways.

A lingam massage is not a hand job!

Learn about the different pleasure spots on the lingam and how they respond to different types of touch. There are five key areas to understand and pleasure: the glands, the frenulum (if it hasn’t been removed), the shaft, the balls, and the perineum.

Experts say that this type of slow, lingering massage can be incredibly healing!

As with the healing power of the lingam massage, the same is true of a yoni massage – in fact, even more so.

Giving a yoni massage is one of the most healing gifts a lover can give. And because it has the potential to be so amazing, it also has the potential to do great harm. Because of this, you absolutely must always honour and respect the yoni. You move at your partner’s pace and go where they want you to go. To learn where that is, you become an expert on this yoni, you watch your partner change as arousal levels change, you keep an eye on the rest of the body and you listen to words of encouragement and guidance coming from your partner, who must feel no pressure from you to perform in any way.

The yoni massage is an opportunity to give the outside of the yoni a lot of time and attention. Using lots of oil, stroke, tease and pleasure the vulva: the outer and inner lips, the fourchette, the perineum, the opening of the vagina, the clitoral bud, and clitoral roots.

Only after a good 15 minutes of pleasuring the vulva can you place a finger at the opening of the vagina and see if you are welcomed inside. It’s always good practice to ask permission. If the answer is no, spend more time on the vulva and extend the strokes around the entire body, moving the sensation and pleasure to every inch of the body.

If your partner would like you to enter with your fingers, do so very slowly. Move in one centimetre at a time and in circular movements, as if you are going around the points on the clock and apply gentle pressure to the walls of the vagina. You are not fingering her – the idea is not to repeatedly thrust your finger in and out of the vagina. You are massaging the walls of the vagina, then her G-spot and then her cervix, slowly, consciously and with immense love.

So how does a tantric massage end?

When and how to end the massage is challenging for all of us! Ending the massage because the receiver has climaxed completely defeats the purpose of the massage, so I suggest you only end the massage after an hour and a half, and after no less than 30 minutes of giving pleasure to the lingam or yoni.


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